Dear Charlotte,
A year ago today, my life changed forever. A year ago today,
I had you. How on earth has it already been a year since you came into this
world wide eyed and wiggling? It’s like time has been on fast-forward! But for
now, rewind.
For starters, it is necessary for me to give you a
play-by-play of your birth. That’s what your Kiki does for me EVERY YEAR on my
birthday, so it is only fair for me to do the same for you. So here it goes.
A year and one day ago on February 11, 2013, the doctors
decided it was time for us to speed things up and start the process of bringing
you into this world. You see, I had developed pre-eclampsia and it was just
getting worse. The longer you stayed in my belly, the more dangerous it was for
both of us. So once they saw how high my blood pressure was that day, they said
it was time to go. Now.
So off to the hospital we went. Once we got settled into our
room, they gave me some medicine to try and make me dilate. It didn’t work
though. They hoped all night long that it would help and labor would start, but
it didn’t. I was only 1cm dilated. So we went on to Plan B the next morning. At
6am, they started Pitocin. It started giving me a few contractions, but nothing
very strong. Over the next 6 hours, they gave me more and more medicine until
they couldn’t give me anymore! I thought, “If this is what contractions feel
like, there is no way I will need pain medicine! This is easy!”
By noon, I was dilated to 3 cm. And then they broke my
water. Almost immediately, my contractions intensified by about 100. They hurt
BAD! Within about 30 minutes of those contractions, I started telling the
nurses that I was going to eventually want an epidural. They told my doctor who
said I couldn’t have it until I was at least 4 cm. The next four hours are a
blur. Since the Pitocin was on the maximum dosage, my contractions were
literally off the charts. They lasted a couple minutes each, but I only got
about 15 seconds between each one. Whoever said you could rest in between
obviously had never had my dosage of Pitocin!
Finally at 4pm, they checked me again and said I was 4cm and
could have an epidural. I was so relieved to see the anesthesiologist! My
sweet nurse held me while they did the epidural (I still don’t know where your
father went…but at the time I didn’t care!). As they laid me back down to test
the epidural, my whole body started contracting. Not only could I feel my
stomach tightening, but my legs, my face, my arms, EVERYTHING was tightening
up. I was terrified that the anesthesiologist had hit a nerve and caused some
type of horrible damage. As I was telling him what I was feeling, he said that
the symptoms were consistent with someone who was close to delivering. The
nurse assured him that I was only a four, but she checked me just in case. The
look on her face was priceless! “Oh wow…. You are about to have a baby! Don’t
push! I have to get the doctor and everything we need!” I went from 4cm to 10cm
in the course of about 30 minutes while they did the epidural. Apparently, my
contractions were too strong to allow my body to relax enough to let you come
down the birth canal. So once the epidural started to kick in, my body let you
come right on down!
The next couple minutes were complete chaos! One nurse ran
to get your dad, another ran to get the doctor, and another started wheeling
all kinds of equipment into the room. Once they were all set up, it was time to
push! About ten minutes and several pushes later, and there you were. 4:59pm.
Eyes wide open, looking right at me when they laid you on my chest. I never
expected your eyes to be open that soon! It was so surreal to finally see the
little wiggle worm that had been inhabiting my belly the past nine months!
And you were perfect. They laid you on the warming table and
your daddy went to be with you. As soon as you grabbed his finger, he told me
he couldn’t come back to my side until you let go. So he let you hold him for
almost an hour. Since you came down the birth canal so quickly, you aspirated
some fluid, which made you breathe too fast for a while. And breathing too fast
made your blood sugar drop a little too much. But finally, everything balanced
out and they brought you back to me.
As I looked into your perfect little face, I was amazed.
Your daddy and I talked so much about what we hoped you would look like. We
hoped you would have his pretty lips and skin. We hoped you would have my
bright eyes and face shape. And you did. You were exactly as we hoped you would
be. And you were so alert! Immediately looking around, taking everything in.
Even in the womb, you were a mover. And it was the same as
soon as you were born! Everyone that held you commented on how wiggly you were!
And it never changed.
Over the past year, God has
allowed me to watch you grow and transform from that wiggly little baby to an
awesome little person. I thought you would be like a little mini-me, but you
couldn’t be farther from that. You are strong-willed and outgoing. You know
what you want and when you want it and you aren’t afraid to let everyone know
it! You are a dare devil and an adventurer. You are fearless. You are loud! You
are a troublemaker. You are an attention seeker. You light up every room you
are in. You make everyone smile when they see you. You are so full of pure joy.
I pray often that I am able to
take all these qualities that God gave you and mold them properly. I pray you
take that strong will and use it to stand up for yourself and your beliefs. I
pray you take that outgoing personality and use it to reach out to those who
need a friend the most. I pray you use that adventurous spirit to go places and
try things that others won’t. I pray you use your fearlessness to dare to dream
big. I pray you use that loud voice to praise God. I pray you use that troublemaker
attitude to go against the grain and dare to be different. I pray you use the
attention you receive to spread love and positivity. I pray you never lose your
light and joy.
You are something special. God
designed you perfectly and gave your daddy and I the job of raising you the best we can. We are going to mess up. We are going to lose our cool. We are going
to do things and say things we’ll regret. But we love you more than you could
ever imagine. We want nothing but the best life for you. You have given our
lives a new purpose and brightened our world in a way I never thought possible.
We have learned so much about ourselves and each other the past year, and I can
only pray we can teach you half as much as you’ve taught us. I can’t wait to
see how your life will unfold, baby girl.
Happy birthday, darling! Mommy
loves you!
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