I feel like the past few weeks, I see another new pregnancy announcement in my Facebook news feed every day! Apparently 2014 is going to be a big year for babies! And most of the friends I know who are pregnant are first timers. While I am no expert in pregnancy or parenting, I do feel like I have a lot to share (and so much of it is fresh on my mind since my baby girl is only 10 months old). Highs, lows, joys, frustrations, and things I WISH people would have told me! So here it goes...
1. Don't compare yourself, your body, your labor, or your baby to anybody else's. Some of you will get sick during pregnancy, some won't. Some will start showing early on, some will wait until much later. Some of you will feel like you are big enough to be carrying quadruplets, while some of you will look like you are barely pregnant the day you give birth (although you will still probably feel like a giant...). You might labor for a few hours, you might labor for days! Your baby could be tiny or huge. Your baby may be an over-achiever or might achieve things later than all the books and websites say. But whatever happens, this is YOUR experience. It is PERFECT just the way it is. Enjoy each and every second!
2. You might not "fall in love" with your baby before it is born. Don't get me wrong...the day I found out I was pregnant, I was thrilled! But I never felt really connected to that little being in there. I truly thought there was something wrong with me! Why didn't I have maternal love for this child? It did get better though.The first ultrasound made it more real. Finding out it was a girl made it even MORE real. Seeing her little face in 3D made it even MORE real. But I didn't really love her until the day she was born. So if you already feel a strong love and bond with your unborn child, that's amazing! But if you don't, don't feel bad! It will come.
3. When you first start feeling your baby move, it is weird. Definitely super cool! But also really weird. Feeling something move INSIDE your body is the most bizarre thing you will ever experience. As time goes on, you get used to it though. And it becomes part of your daily life. And even though sometimes it will be painful, you will probably miss the feeling when its gone!
4. In terms of your birth plan, "Plan A" may not work out. And that's OK! You will probably need a Plan B... or Plan C or D. I had every intention of having a natural, drug-free birth. But high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia made me change my plans. For the health of me and my baby, I needed to be induced. Let me tell you, pitocin induced contractions are NOT pleasant (and I absolutely would not recommend an induction unless medically necessary). After 10 hours of hard labor, I caved and got an epidural. But guess what? Within 10 minutes of getting it, I dilated from a 4 to a 10! It was EXACTLY what my body needed to relax enough to let my baby girl come through the birth canal. 3 pushes later and she was here! None of it was in my plan. But it was a beautiful experience! Don't beat yourself up if "Plan A" doesn't work out. All that matters is a healthy mom and baby in the end.
5. When your milk comes in, it HURTS! Why did nobody tell me this?!?! Whether you breastfeed or not, you're going to get milk. And you will feel like your boobs are going to burst. Seriously, my breasts were so hard and full that they felt like rocks (boulders is more like it...). They are going to leak. Everywhere. And not just a little bit. Your shirt will be saturated in milk. But it will get better in a few days. Your body just needs some time to figure out how much milk it needs to make!
6. Don't feel like you have to be supermom. If somebody offers you help, TAKE IT! Let your body rest all it can after giving birth. Bond with your baby. Nap with them. Snuggle them. Let somebody else cook and clean if you can! And if you are doing this alone, give yourself some slack on the chores. The house may get a little messy, but that's not what matters. What matters is letting your body heal and getting to know this precious new life you've just brought into the world!
7. Every woman's body bounces back at a different pace. Don't be too hard on yourself! Obviously, do what you can to stay healthy, but don't beat yourself up if you don't get back to your pre-baby weight for awhile. And breastfeeding does NOT always make the weight "just fall right off" like people will tell you. I swear, my body has held onto to every ounce of fat I have just in case it needs it to feed my baby in a time of famine. Almost 11 months later and I am still about 10 pounds away from my pre-baby weight. But you know what? Those extra 10 pounds don't make me less of a mother. Like my stretch marks, they are just a reminder that I was once a vessel for another life.
8. Listen to your instincts. Just because you are a first time mom, doesn't mean that you don't know what you are doing. You know your baby. Doctors aren't always right. Your friends who have 4 kids aren't always right. The internet is DEFINITELY not always right. You are the mom. YOU do what is right for you and your baby.
9. You are going to get frustrated. REALLY frustrated. There will be times where you almost understand how people shake their babies (I'm sure you all think I am a horrible person for saying that.... but seriously every mom I have ever talked to understands these moments). If there is nobody else there to try their hand in calming baby, then put them in their crib, shut the door, and walk away. Go outside for a few minutes if you need to. Take some deep breaths. Say a prayer. Or a lot of prayers. Think of a nice, quiet moment with your baby and dwell on it. Then, when you feel like you are calmed down, go back, give them a kiss, and try again. Letting them scream for a few minutes is so much better than allowing yourself to reach your breaking point and cause any harm to your baby.
10. Last but certainly not least, cherish every second. I know every mom will tell you this, but its true. Take thousands of pictures of them. Because you will forget how tiny they are. You'll forget how bald they were. You'll forget how helpless they were. You'll forget how that tiny newborn cry sounds. You'll forget how you ever lived without them. Soak it all up, because no matter how frustrating things are sometimes, you will miss it.
These next few months are going to be some of the strangest, coolest, and most memorable times of your life. Enjoy the ride!
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